My Current Mood… Reflecting on My Journey

Gundam Factory Yokohama

My new spirit animal is alive and surely at the Gundam Factory in Yokohama. It encapsulates my reaction to 2020… nay, my entire life after my 14th birthday in 1984!

In this post I was trying to be humorous… it became something else. A little exploration into how I got where I am at from 14 to 50.

As far as I can recall, all bullying aside, my life was really great up until just after my 14 birthday. I was a free spirit who was concerned with nerdly endeavours, and the occasional girl who caught my fancy. Drawing, Video Games, Giant Japanese Robots, X-men and other comics, Star Wars, and Ninja were my whole world. At this point in my life I hadn’t gone to the dark side, you know that place… where reality becomes this crucible of fire that forges what you become. The first step in my fall was the loss of my Granny. She was important to me and I had never experienced loss until that point, but for a few goldfish and my mother’s parakeet. It was at this time, when I began to grow larger I discovered I had a hero complex with a darker edge caused from being bullied which just made me a bully of bullies. As time when on I became more of a dick than a hero.

I made so many wrong turns in my life, that I never bothered learning from. Even though now life takes far more that it gives, I am older and hopefully wiser and perhaps I can get back to that 14 year old state of mind, loose my constant anger, dull my edge and just be. It is time to let go of the pain, embarrassment, rage and self loathing.

I don’t expect this to be of interest to anybody. We all have our own issues. It was nice to get it out there… cathartic even.


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